Saturday, September 26, 2009

Midlife crisis or no more baby blues?

At this point in my life of motherhood (Caden will be two in just less than 4 months) I usually start contemplating pregnancy. It is the time in my life where I either look anxiously or dreadfully towards trying to get pregnant again. Here I am now, quite confident that I won't be having any more children and I feel kind of lost. My lostness has translated into some over the top weirdnesses. I decided to sew Halloween costumes this year for the girls (would have done the boys too if they cared at all, which they don't) and went over budget just to get all the material (those of you who know me, know this is weirdness in and of itself), I spend hours researching and creating HAIR accessories and styles, I even try and make sure my kids CLOTHES match. (Keeping up with four kids wardrobes, all with VERY definite tastes of their own, is quite a feat before the bus comes at 8am). Kiara has hair bows that match her soccer uniform.

I used to be so chill and relaxed about stuff like that. Maybe b/c I was overwhelmed by pregnancy and kids? Or, am I just getting more controlling now that I can? Perhaps I am holding on to the few small things I can still control b/c I am feeling like they are growing up too fast? I think I have spent so many years now (going on 12) either anticipating pregnancy, pregnant, nursing, and chasing 2yo's that I don't know what to do with myself now that I am rapidly closing that door. Am I going crazy?

Don't get me wrong...when I am not mourning over another pair of outgrown baby shoes, I am giddy with the idea of not having to swap kids to volunteer in the classroom, or eventually going out on a date without paying a babysitter (only 2 more years!), or eating lunch with a girl friend, during a (gasp) WEEKDAY, but I still feel like I am losing a bit of my identity now that I am "done"!

So is it midlife crisis? Is it no more baby blues? Or am I just going crazy?


Melissa said...

Oh, your totally crazy, for sure:) I'm not quite there yet, Autumn isn't one yet, but I am starting to feel like I should have a new goal. I am thinking about working part time, or taking some classes. I don't want to feel like I'm not working or doing something creative. I weird to be out of the baby game. Each outfit she outgrows I donate, each baby toy goes to someone else. I am purging all of this stuff and it pulls at the heart strings.

As for the controlling stuff, I think you are just enjoying some free time and having fun having little girls. I say do it up, sew it up and enjoy while they still want you to put bows in their hair.

You are great. I wish you lived close so we could talk over these things in person.

thomfam5 said...

You crack me up Chels! I love all of the dos and hair accessories!